|Here's a piece of mail I
received from one of our readers, KornRocks666_72:|
I'm eleven years old and you rock! I espeshilly liked when you called that guys moms
a cunt! Damn your mean!!!! What'es the diffrence between Saving Private Ryan
and Voodoo Extreme?
Well KR666_72, as I see it Saving Private Ryan is Steven Spielberg's stunning Word War
II masterpiece, while Voodooo Extreme is just fucking stupid. I hope that answers
Several smarter sounding readers have also written to express their delight at our use
of the word 'cunt', especially when employed as a metaphor for Tom Vykruta's mother.
Other readers have asked why we're so mean and what I have against Voodoo Extreme.
Addressing the question of our meanness: I'm from the future, where
everything is better. And I mean everything. Cardboard? Indestructible
and can sing. Mummies? No longer such a problem. Retards? Smarter
than your Dr. Spock, and indestructible and can sing. So you can probably understand
why I'm so frustrated. Not a day goes by that I don't command some clerk or vice
president of marketing to "Electro Extrude 4000 me that fax" only to remember
where I am and have to tell him to "just fax me the fax... caveman." Chet
and erik, not from the future, are mean simply because they're mental defectives.
As to my hatred of Voodoo Extreme - doesn't everyone in your time despise these idiots?
They adequately perform the menial cut and paste labor too distasteful and mundane
for the rest of us, but then have the gall to pollute the appropriated content with their
dimwitted pimp talk. Generally, I accept your world's stupidity with superior
indifference. Occasionally, I will stoop to calling one of you a fruit.
Unfortunately for Billy 'Stupid' Wilson, one of his "crack!" ctrl-c/ctrl-v
"monkeys!" (dumbo codename: 'Octane') sent one of our readers the following
critique of erik's Roberta Williams retrospective:
We wouldn't post that article because its nothing but a bunch of flaming
shit. The whole article sounds like some dumb 13 year old kid venting because his mommy
wouldn't let him stay out past bedtime or something...
I'm sure erik's piece wasn't as clever as most of Octane's contributions to Voodoo
Extreme - pasting the middle two paragraphs of the readme.txt packaged with the most
recent Drakan patch for instance. But erik is a special guy and it's my job
to defend him. So as a vengeful act of community service, I've created an
intelligent agent that monitors Voodoo Extreme in real time
and reports on each of its updates - but strips out the
cruddy, embarrassing, michael-jackson-jacket-wearing pimp talk!
You get only the straight facts that VE creatively yanked from someplace else. No
need to thank me. I didn't do it for you, fruity. Go knock yourself out:
And remember: it's updated every ten minutes, so check back often!