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Dreamcast Contest
2000-12-09 Staff

THE CONTEST IS OVER - the winner has been contacted!!

Snail vs SquirrelDo you remember back when the Atari 2600 came out but before the Odyssey was released?   There were no console wars.  PC gaming didn't exist because PCs were as tall as skyscrapers and their 6K hard drives had to be housed in stadium-sized civic arenas.   Though scientists had figured out how to fake a moon landing, the Nintendo Entertainment System was still just a gleam in some Japanese researcher's eye - an annoying flash that slightly obscured his view of a ten year old girl's underpants.   Gamers were united.  For the first - and last - time, we were a real community, and it felt great.  Sure, there was the ongoing debate over which was tougher, squirrels or snails.  But even that was resolved when Bit Corp released Snail vs. Squirrel. 

Well, those days are over.  Thanks to a rapidly expanding console market, the Internet, the wide availability of powerful home computers, and - we like to think - us, everybody hates everybody else.  Lithtech vs. Unreal, Quake 3 vs. Unreal, Unreal mod authors vs. Unreal, Unreal PC vs. Unreal PS2, Unreal vs. Ethnic Unreal Separatists - the list goes on and on and includes turn-based wargamers vs. their arch nemesis, the cruel law of nature that limits how many potato chips you can fit in your mouth without choking to death.   Perhaps gaming's most fractious battle for supremacy is the one between the the PC, the X-Box, the Dreamcast, and the Playstation 2.   We've chosen sides - we like the Dreamcast. 

In this season of celebration, we'd like to help you celebrate us and our opinions.  So we've decided to make one of our lucky readers even luckier by giving them a Dreamcast and five of our favorite Dreamcast games and Shenmue.  Not only that, the winner will be chosen on December 20, 2000, and the prize will be delivered in time for Christmas.   The Dreamcast box will also be signed by Marvin, our hateful, futuristic mascot. Marvin's dedication will both reveal the date and manner of the winner's death and offer heartfelt wishes for him or her this holiday season.

Before entering, please read the disclaimer and rules at the bottom of the page, otherwise you may be breaking the law.

The Prizes

Available everywhere. Now. No having to stay up until midnight. No camping out in front of EB. Easier to program than the PSX2, which permits developers to create great games now, not 3 years from now.

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Jet Grind Radio
Turk 182 meets Roller Boogie meets The Warriors!!! Features an amazing 3D engine that is somehow capable of rendering complete cityscapes in bright sunlight rather than the gloomy, orc-filled caves produced by American game scientists.

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If reflective helmets are more important to you than gameplay, Madden PS2 is for you.  Otherwise, NFL2K1 is the way to go.  It's even playable online, which won't be available on the Playstation until the 52nd state, Moonabama or as it's now called, the moon, has an NFL franchise.

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Daily Radar, the world's most widely read and respected game site, calls Shenmue the best game ever. We'll just take their word for it, because we played it for a while and didn't get to the "best game ever" part or even a "good" part.

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Virtua Tennis
Forget Shenmue. Our hand to Christ's weeping foot wounds, THIS is the best game ever made.
'Nuff said!

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Crazy Taxi
Japs usually name their games by smashing together a couple of words unrelated to both each other and the game they're supposedly describing. Crazy Taxi is an anomaly: Not only is it about a taxi, it's crazy. If it was on the PC, you can be sure it'd be turn based and include a stupid story.

rage-saq's Quake III Arena
I'm not even sure why we put this in the package, since PC gamers already have this one.   Maybe we were trying to prove a point.  Whatever the reason, Quake 3 Dreamcast is a great game that even lets you play against clever PC users who managed to pirate the Dreamcast levels.  With a broadband card coming out next month, you can be a console low ping bastard years or even decades before the poor imbeciles who bought Playstations.

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Disclaimer and Rules
This contest is for citizens of the USA and the 51st state, Canada, only.  Since the Dreamcast is region coded, it wouldn't do you foreigners any good anyway.   Also, because this is ostensibly a Christmas present - let's be honest - if little baby Jesus really loved you, you would have been born in the USA.

The winner will be chosen at midnight EST Wednesday, December 20th, 2000.  Odds of winning will be determined by the number of successful entries received.   Just figure you'll most likely lose and have to buy the kids a present.

You can enter once per day.

No purchase necessary, strictly speaking.  However, attempts to buy off the judges by sending cash to our new mailing address (Oldmanmurray   PO BOX 93791  Cleveland OH 44101) are encouraged.   These donations will not effect the outcome of the contest, though they may influence the outcome of future contests, giveaways, or sweepstakes.  Though they probably won't.  Though who knows?

To become a contestant, fill out the entry form at http://www.oldmanmurray.com/contest/dreamcast/default.shtml with your email address.  The winners will be notified via email by a representative of Oldmanmurray.   Notification by email is the only way a winner will be contacted, unless Erik wins, in which case the winner will be notified by thinking to himself, "This isn't gonna be a popular outcome."  You must reply within 18 hours for us to guarantee Christmas delivery.

Neither Oldmanmurray nor its agents are responsible for any murderous plans, schemes, scenarios, blueprints, patterns or any and all synonyms for these words as yet unlisted in the American Heritage Talking Dictionary that Quake 3 may inspire in the winner, nor any general trend towards the devaluation of human life to which the grand prize may contribute.  Should the winner return to his or her junior high school after Christmas break and methodically kill every person inside it, it's not our fault.  We blame society.  But we understand that you can't sue society for your idiotic actions.  John Carmack has a lot of money.  We're just sayin', that's all.  You know who else looks like they have a lot of dough?   Rappers.  Maybe you could try suing a couple of them. 

Oldmanmurray and its agents are not responsible for incomplete, lost, or misdirected email, or for technical, hardware or software failures of any kind, or delayed transmission that may limit participation in this contest. Oldmanmurray reserves the right to cancel the contest if at any time it is deemed that technical failures corrupt the integrity of the Oldmanmurray  website. Entry constitutes your full and unconditional agreement to comply with these rules.

While we're thinking about it, note that paragraph six (6) of the Oldmanmurray Dreamcast Contest Disclaimer should not be construed as a guarantee of success in the event that the winner decides to sue rappers for causing him or her to embark on a murder spree.   Nor are we suggesting  that he or she might successfully bring suit against id software, any of its many Carmacks, or even the French guy that works there - Jaque something or other. 

The winner will receive the prizes listed.  We are not going to include a second controller because, honestly, you most likely play online games because you have no friends.

As a condition of winning, winners release Oldmanmurray, its affiliated companies,
its employees, and its various groupies and hangers on from any and all claims arising directly or indirectly from the prizes awarded or indirectly from space.  In case you lawyers are salivating over the gaping legal hole in the previous sentence, claims arising directly from space also do not count.  Checkmate, fucknut.

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