| Primate Sign Language Basics: 
That chimp is a lying whore
Want Can of Soda and Dolly
Y2K problem? No fella, bitch better have my money or her Y2K problem havin
ass gonna be for sale on tha street. Shit.
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After winning the Daikatana DM demo tourney,
the Helpful Daikatana Monkey embarked on a cross country orgy of banana peel smoking and
foul language signing that would make the American Heritage Talking Dictionary blush.
After three days of frantic inquiries, we finally tracked him down to the Hollywood
Palm Hotel on North Highland. We picked him up, hosed him down, changed his diaper,
and thought the matter closed.
But a few days ago a certified letter arrived addressed to the Helpful Duke Nukem
Forever Monkey. At first, we thought nothing of it, as such a
helpful monkey is always in demand by the various game companies, who often lobby him by
cleverly changing his name. Then we read it.
The letter was from the L.A. cops. It seems Mr. Monkey broke into the Los Angeles
Zoo, knocked up two resident chimps, gave them a fake name and split.
When confronted, the signed denials flowed like so much semen from the swollen head of an
aroused monkey penis. At first it was total denial. After persistent
questioning, he claimed they were whores; booth chimps introduced to him in Texas by an
Eidos marketing rep. Finally, the tears started and the signing became "Come
hug. Want toothbrush. Want dress up clothes. Want dolly." repeated
over and over.
Did he do it? Probably. Although he's got some rudimentary language skills and
is able to design a nice level, the Helpful Daikatana Monkey is still a monkey and, as
such, will fuck anything, especially other monkeys and chimps.
Expect Daikatana to be further delayed by this setback. |
