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I Blow $2500 On New Best Friend 1999-06-30 Chet | With Erik in jail, I don't want to be alone. |
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Erik had just been thrown in jail. The short review section was in
need of new reviews. The news page screamed for an update. I didn't feel
like doing anything. What was I to do? Normally when I feel this lazy I chase
Erik around with the work stick for a few minutes. This tends to get Erik to create
some content, and tires me out enough for a good nap. But Erik's desk sat empty, and
I was lonely.
Gone was my partner in revenge and ego. Missing were the days of searching the net
for any mention of our names. I missed hearing his girlish screams of joy turn to
howls of pain when he found 20 mentions of himself only to realize it was another fake
geocities page I created.
I had my new photo of Derek Smart
for masturbation material, and some cartoons Erik had made, but
still I was left feeling empty.
I was lonely.
I needed a friend. I made the decision to forego the arduous process of
actually making friends, and instead I went out and dumped $2500 on Sony's
new robotic dog, AIBO. An electronic man's best friend. The literature
insisted that my new best friend was smart, and could show 6 emotions. But they were
foreign emotions: happiness? surprise? What good were these emotions? I needed
the dog to be more like Erik. So with some fiddling, I think I have programmed it to
be a more accurate simulation of Erik. It is so close to him, in fact, that I am calling
the dog "Little Erik". The chart to the right shows the new emotions.
With Erik dedicating all his time in the big house to cartoon writing, the dog should be a
big help. Look for Little Erik this week in the short review section. In the
meantime, let me share with all of you my new passion; Unicorn
literature. |
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